The Straight Dope Front Page

Here’s some stuff to keep you entertained today…

It’s great having a website and all… put stupid crap up for everyone to see. There is a downside to this outlet though – creepy people.

When I broke my leg awhile back, I remember getting a creepy email from someone. I guess there’s people out there with a ‘cast fetish’ – seriously, there’s entire sites devoted to it, I couldn’t make this kind of stuff up if I tried. I’m guessing this one is similar, because the subject is ‘Broken Bones’ which is what it puts in the subject if you click the ’email me’ link from my little pages about how much breaking your leg really sucks. So anyway, here’s the email I got the other day… the headers indicate that it actually came from AOL, but the address at the end of the email was a hotmail address. I don’t think it was spam (hard telling, spammers are odd these days – are you getting the religious spam yet?)

—————————————————————
From: address removed@aol.com
Date: Mon, 16 Feb 2004 12:15:53 EST
Subject: Broken Bones
To: wildblue@wildbluesky.com

r u gay ur well fit if u do reply unlikely to- different address removed@hotmail.com
—————————————————————

I have a few issues with this –

First of all, how often has randomly propositioning people on the internet worked for you? Personally, I’ve never tried. However, if I were to try, I think I’d go with the odds and maybe try for someone of the opposite sex. My theory there is that there’s a lot more heterosexual people out there, my random email is more likely to end up in their mailbox.

Second, do I look gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, or that gay people generally tend to look a certain way… but… ok… we’ve all heard the term ‘gay-dar’ And typically (I know, I’m stereotyping people here) gay people’s gay-dar is a little more high-power. I don’t know… I’m lost.

Lastly, this person saw a picture of me on crutches and wearing stupidly baggy pants and a coat (I’m assuming, since that’s the page they were on when they emailed me) and from that they’ve deduced that I’m “well fit”? Huh.

I realize I’m just lobbing a big, fat, slow pitch to ‘Cakes… call it a sympathy Seppuku.

Comments are back – joy. Not that anyone uses them.

I no kidding just printed this sign to tape onto one of the copiers:

“Please make sure staples are removed and ‘White Out’ is completely dry before feeding pages to be copied”

How the @#&$ can people work in a “professional environment” and not have a clue how a computer works?! This baffles me. “Yes, I’m sorry, let me plug that cable back in for you… well what do you know?! It works again!” It’s simple fucking logic people: Computer works -> I unplug cable -> computer doesn’t work. Well I’m baffled as to the problem.

And since I’m “The Computer Guy” (excuse my over-use of quotation marks today) it stands to reason that since computers have keyboards, and typewriters have keyboards – I must know how to fix and what to do with typewriters. Brilliant. Seriously, I’m blinded by the stunning display of logic and intelligence in this place. This is why I need a new job – I want to be adding OEM drivers to a RIS image or building an Exchange server, or even scripting some cute little tool that will automatically delete old files for me… not plugging in cables that some dolt figured couldn’t possibly be important, or taking a typewriter out to the garbage.

ION (In Other News – I’ve taken to shortening everything like everyone does… but if someone ever says “G-2-G” to me again, I’ll bludgeon them to death with their own arm)

“The Transporter” is one of the worst movies of all time. It started out with potential and promise, then just took a complete nose-dive. You could actually see how they started to run out of money near the end of the movie.

That’s all for now… I have to go open someone’s CD drive for them… that’s understandable – they’re relatively new and complex devices – you have to have an IQ over 4 to work one.

Well, I’ll blame the lack of updating on Ready Hosting – they didn’t tell me they changed something on their end, so Blogger was all confused. Oh well…

Over a month… sheesh… I’m hopeless.

Elvis’ birthday is in 3 days, what are you getting me? I’ll give you some ideas later. In the meantime, amuse yourself with this…

Extreme Ironing Bureau :: Ironing under the sky

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and ate lots of turkey – I didn’t eat any. Is that bad luck or something?

If you haven’t already, you should listen to The Refreshments – With songs about women, drinking, and Mexico – you can’t go wrong. If you’re looking for deep, meaningful lyrics … you’ll be sorely disappointed. But the music fits me right now – fun, but unimportant.

I’ve also fallen in Love with Norah Jones’ voice. I’ve only listened to a few songs from her, but planning on listening some more. It also fits me now – calm, internally active, maybe a little down.

Let it Be…Naked is also out. I’m not a huge Beetles fan, but this just sounds really impressive. The way the original was meant to be.

More later…

I actually went a whole week without updating this. I’m so very sorry.

However, if you rely on my pathetic little website for some form of entertainment, you need to get a life.

People in general piss me off. One of the things they do that really gets to me is drive. When I start my own country, you’ll have to pass a grueling driver’s test. None of this simple drive-between-the-cones crap. Things to be included in the test:
* Must be able to demonstrate knowledge that the left lane is for passing. Slower traffic, move right.
* Must be able to take a curve or interstate ramp at or above the ‘suggested speed’ – conditions permitting.
* Must be able to make a left turn at a stop light without allowing more than a 1.5 car length gap to open up between them and the person turning left in front of them (may adapt this for even going straight through after the light has turned green)
* Obstacles will be introduced when turning at a light, such as oncoming traffic and pedestrians – you must start your turn before the obstacle is completely free of the intersection by 100 yards.
* When merging, you must accelerate to the posted speed limit by the end of the ramp. If your car cannot accomplish this, you will not be permitted onto the interstates.

I’m working on a list of traffic laws as well. Top of the list is: If you kill a biker with your car, you cannot use any form of transportation other than a bike for the rest of your life – regardless of weather conditions.

I gotta run… I’ll share the rest with you later. Feel free to comment, and add your ideas.