I get to Perris, and check in at the school. Everything's easy, take the ground
class, learn all the things I need, go through the harness room, lookin' good, feelin'
nervous, all normal. Suited up, got put on wind hold, talked to my JM about all the
questions about everything, from reserve test loads to booties on a jumpsuit.
So we go up for level III. I'm a nervous wreck, and literally trembing. We get a ride down
because the wind is gusting 16-20 knots, which is far too much for me to deal with. And I
am glad that the decision to jump was taken away, and furious that I am glad that I didn't
jump.
This time, leg straps were nice and tight, everything felt fine, except my head. All the
"what if's" and "oh f&*k's" had taken up residence, made their
nest, and were not just talking to me, but screaming at me. While we were on the ground
waiting for the next load, I walked around. Talked to both my JM's (Vinnie Palmieri and
Jim). Talked to Dennis. Relaxed (yeah, right). walked through my jump, touched BOC and red
and silver handles, tried to stop thinking, pasted a stupid-ass grin on my face, and
re-boarded. On the ride up, it was more of the same. I was able to discipline myself to
take deep breaths, imagine the skydive, relax, and breathe again, until it was my turn at
the door. Made a complete 180 attitude change. "I AM A SKYDIVER - THIS IS WHAT
SKYDIVERS DO; THEY GET OUT OF THE GODDAM DOOR" was the refrain running through my
head now.
Out I go - free - arching, smiling, doing my one PRCT, COA, get the all-clear, great body
position, do a really wussy, mealy left hand turn, check alti, do a great right hand turn,
check alti, misunderstand the jm's signal, and refuse to do what I thought was a forward
momentum (there are people in front of me, for pete's sake), check alti, 6k, lock onto my
alti, here's 5, ready, grab cord, pull, toss......beautiful. There goes the pilot, and I'm
waiting, um, oh, there it is....ow. But not as "ow"" as previously.
And now it is just flashes. Look up, see line twist, o.k., I know how to handle that.
Hands up the risers, push outward, kick. God, what the hell is wrong with the right side?
O.k., it's not really like the pix, but I guess that's end cells not open - do end cells
go that far in?. I know how to handle this, too. But where's the slider? (I have no
recollection as to where it actually was - I didn't hear it, and I didn't see it). Look
and reach for the left toggle, loop it over hand. Look and reach for the right toggle.
Reach for the right toggle again. What the f*&k? Where is that stupid yellow thing?
Christ I'm starting to not fly straight. Turning to the left. Shake out of the toggle,
thinking "No pressure on that side where the hell is the other toggle". Keep
reaching, (spinning left), looking, grabbing anything, and all I get was a handful of -
shoelaces? (That was all my mind could name - they were the brake lines). There was no
tension, just loose shoelaces. I'm pulling this, trying to get a hold of something,
anything, please what the fuck! Now I'm spinning fast, body levelling off, no longer in a
sit but forced back to prone. And picking up speed. And watching the ground spiral below.
See the edge of the chute at eye level with me - and I'M BELLY DOWN! Four spins that I
counted, feet feeling "full", shit, centrifugal force.
All I remember then was "that pix in the harness room" and on top of that
"this is not correctable", and I was looking down for the red - found it (by my
neck), two hands, look silver (it's still there, but under my left breast), pull red, arch
and pull silver. Bang! now I'm sitting up again, and I reach up and get hold of both
toggles, and I am trying to remain calm. I look at my alti, knowing that 2,500 doesn't
mean shit now, because I am flying my reserve. This IS the canopy I will be landing. I am
at about 3,000.
I spot the dz, knowing that I was in the wrong place, but now looking for outs because I
have this pretty blue thing over my head and not the red and white one I started with. And
I am floating. And now this voice crackles into my ear "Good girl, hon. I saw it
all...good job. Now come home". I can't think, only shriek. Only cry (not recommended
in goggles, btw). Blindly following the voice in my ear, coming home. Turning hard left,
turning hard left again. Getting my knees together, hearing him say sit it down, don't
stand it up, sit down. Now I see the spot I am landing, and then I hear FLARE and so I do.
And I sit down. And then lay down. And then get out of a toggle, and ground the chute. And
flop on top of it, crying. Sobbing. Can't stand up. The dirt tastes good in small
servings.
"Hon? You o.k.? Can you stand up?" comes into my ear. I wave one hand over my
head, and stay on the ground. I get to my knees, gather my chute, try to stand, and here I
am, and I'm walking over the peas, and there are people landing around me so I sit down
again under the windsock, and feel hands helping me up, and I get over to the school and
on the vid I say "look! Start with red, end with blue, I can pull the handle"
and everyone cracks up but I don't remember this at all. And my jm's have not decided
whether or not to clear me to level 4, and I don't care, and it takes at least an hour to
debrief me, and it was my third jump and I had a reserve ride.
The shit happened so fast. And my head was so clear. And I am so thankful that I was able
to literally walk away (o.k., so I broke another nail).