This is actually Michele's repeat of Level 3, but I just had to include it here

I had to. If I wasn't going to jump again, I needed to know that. And the only way I was going to be able to make that decision was to get to Perris, and see if I could control myself enough to jump.

Last night, I decided that I would take any of the onus off my instructors and keep myself at level 3. If I were going to jump, there were going to be certain things I wanted: Ed White as main side jumpmaster, I would jump at the time I wanted to, and to stay at level 3. I then raced around my house, cleaning and tidying, because if something is going to happen, I just won't have people seeing my house this messy.

This morning, I am sitting on my sofa really tripping out. I am shaking, I did not sleep well last night (all of about 3 hours, and that was tossing and turning), and I am not going to eat anything, because I am so nervous I think it's all going to....well, I just didn't eat. "The hardest part is getting out the door", except this time is my back door that I am standing in front of. Oh for pete's sake, one foot in front of the other, just go, and out I am, and I am now in my car, and George Winston is playing on the CD and I get on the freeway and I am NOT going to think about this, and I am not going to stop this car. And I paste a silly grin onto my face, and accelerate down the highway, pretending that I want to do this.

And then I turn onto Goetz Road, and George is still playing on the CD, and I see these great patches of color in the sky, and they are having fun, swirling and turning and dancing in the air, and this is what I have come to do. I pull into a spot, and just watch these guys flying, and then out I get, and down to the school, and I can't breathe and it's hot and I am truly frightened.

I walk into the office, and say hi to everyone. I tell Jo I want to see if I can jump today, and she asks "Sure, you want Ed?". "Yes", I say, "and I am repeating level 3".

I get out to the bleachers, and sit there, just listening to the family members of students and tandem people, and see them all not understanding what it is like up there, and how frightened they are (and they're on the ground), and how sorry I am that they will most likely not get in the air, and then I realize that I would feel sorry for myself if I didn't get back into the air, and so I decide again that I am jumping, and I will get back in the air.

I see Ed land his chute, and watch him as he realizes I'm sitting there. He comes over and says "so you had a cut away. How are you?" and I walk away from the suddenly quiet family members so they won't hear me (they don't need to be any more frightened), and I tell him what happened. He pats my back, and I tell him I am jumping with him today, and ask if that's o.k., and he laughs and says of course and then he has to go and I am called into the school for the harness room stuff.

Dennis meets me, and we go into the harness room, and I hop into a harness, and he's talking to me, and I'm getting really shaky and I wonder if this is really going to happen or will I panic and just not get in the plane. And I ask him if he's going up with me to determine if I am airworthy, and he gruffly explains that I am airworthy but it still feels like I am 16 again and in the principal's office. We go over and over and over the drills and then I go lay down on that piano mover thing, and I arch and I can't believe it but it feels good, and we rehearse the manuvers, and Dennis says let's suit up and my belly drops into my shoes and my eyes cross.

We are manifested onto Shark Air 12 (I would not have gotten on #13); Ed comes over and we are talking there, and I ask him if he thinks I did anything wrong and he reassures me that I didn't and that I did everything right, and that sometimes things happen and you have to do what I did, and that it was bad luck that it happened so early but good that it happened so early, and this just makes me want to cry so I drink more water instead.

I get into the smurff suit with handles, and someone gets the radio over my head and the helmet and goggles are handed to me and I sling the chute on my back and we start walking down and I had never realized how long that walk really is (about 47 miles), and we have a 10 mintue call and I close my eyes and struggle to keep breathing regularly, and not to burst into tears or pee in my pants. We walk over to the plane, and I have to hold onto the stair handle so I can pull myself up because my feet are not working anymore because I know that if I get in, and then ride the plane down it's over, I won't come back, and this is it for good and for always. One way or the other the decision will be made here and now. So I smile, and pretend I am a skydiver, and buckle the belt and we're right by the door, and I ask Ed are we going out first and he says no, these guys are, and then I have to ride the plane looking at the ground it is so far down there, and the door is open in front of me and I just close my eyes and try not to start shrieking and getting sick.

Dennis is laying in the doorway, and reminds me to breathe and shut my eyes, to imagine the dive in my head so I obediently close my eyes but I can't imagine the dive and all I see is me spinning again and I open my eyes, and reach out and grab Ed's knee, and then hold his hand and ask Ed please don't let go of me and he laughs and says he won't. I look up and see the other instructors looking at me with sympathy and encouragement and some of the tandem students are thumbs-up to me, and now it's time and the green light turns on, and the two guys go out backwards, and now it's my turn. I turn off my mind; my body knows what to do to get me out the door. When I'm in the air I'll think again.

I pretend that my feet are someone else's and watch them move to the door. I stare at Dennis' feet, and line mine up. Look into Ed's eyes, and ready set go and we are out and I have jumped and I am flying again and I am arching hard and levelling off and I touch the cord, and do the circle of awareness and get thumbs up from both guys and then Dennis is in front of me and now a left turn, shit, I can do this, and then a left turn, and then a right turn, and then a left turn and now it's 6k and no more, and I look up and Dennis is looking at me and smiling and I smile back and I feel the wind on my face and the speed of my descent and feel the pressure on my lower legs and I love this feeling and now it's 5k and I signal. I reach back and I grab the cord and I tug and gently toss it into the air and I am sitting up and I look up and there is line twists again. And my stomach flops. And my arms reach up, and press out, and hold them there, here comes the slider, then the toggles are in my hands, and I turn left then right then flare and I can see other people in the air and I look for Ed's chute and I see it and I turn around a little too hard scaring myself and look up and the canopy is still there and now I am dancing in the wind, and flying with the birds; I am floating in the breath of God.

I look at the sights; I am here again, and this time it went right, and it is a miracle I made it out the door and my mouth is dry and I breathe deeply and smell the heat and the dirt. I look to see which way the wind is blowing and I cruise over the target at about 1200 and I swing to the left then the right, and then it's time to cross the wind and I hit turbulence and it's fine, I don't care, and now to set up for the landing and if I can get out of the plane I can stand this sucker up and walk it out and on the radio I hear Ed say "hi there, girly" and I wave my legs at him and he laughs in my ear. "Turn a little more right" and then I am coming closer and I look at the horizon and wait to kick the guy in the head and then Ed says flare, and I go halfway, and then all the way, and I am going back into the air and I stretch my legs out and I am touching the ground and I stand it up and I walk it out and I do a little Snoopy happy dance and shout with joy, and Ed shouts back, and I get the chute in my arms and get over to Ed and hug him tight, and he says "good job" and I say damn tootin', and we crack up. We walk back in and there's Dennis and he says good job and I just grin like a fool.

And Ed's standing there, and I am so proud of myself, and everything is so calm and peaceful and I am not hurting anywhere, and I didn't break a nail or a leg and I landed my main and it was perfect and Ed officially passes me to level 4 and I am going to do that on Friday next week. And Ed says I am progressing perfectly and that I am a natural which makes me wonder what that means, but I don't care, because I had gotten out the door and into the air and I danced in the sky.

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just thought you'd like to know.

Read about Michele's reserve ride (her first attempt at level 3)

Read about level 5

See what Michele's been up to at dropzone.com forums